Liquorice 3 pack butt plug set, bought for something around £12.

Umm how to I put this…waste of fucking money doesn’t really quite cut it. Now I know they’re cheep but I figured as I hadn’t yet tried a butt plug I’d buy something cheep; then I came across the set of three and thought: ‘Perfect, this means I can see what size is going to suit me and see if I actually like it or not’.

Well I’ve established butt plugs to be a thing I definitely like but these buggers don’t stay in! They’re just the wrong shape, especially as the base is just too big and would get in the way if I wanted to have vaginal penetrative sex at the same time as wearing them. They’re also meant to have a suction base so that you can stick them to surfaces. I tried, it failed.

Far from bringing me joy they’ve just made me sort of grumpy and means that I’m going to have to go and spend more money on a butt plug I actually like.

So much for a Christmas present to myself.

Time for a sex toy review. I’ve been meaning to do some of these but only just remembered after spending some birthday money on a few presents to myself. Seeing as I only just ordered them and they won’t be arriving for a few days, I’ll have to review for you something that’s already in my inventory. So, here is my most expensive purchases in the name of an orgasm and in fact the first toy I ever bought.

The lelo liv vibrator.

It seems somewhat like an old friend these days, trusted, reliable, but not always the most exciting thing in the world. It’s never failed in its duty of keeping me company on cold lonely nights. However, being rechargeable I have on a number of occasions forgotten to charge it and as a result had the damn thing run out on me too early. It’s got a great range of vibration speeds and patterns easily changed without too much fiddling about with buttons and dials etc. It’s nicely shaped and can easily be used in anal play as well as it’s by no means particularly large. On that point it’s not the sort of vibrator you pick for it’s ability to make you feel full, the charm really is all in its varying speeds and patterns. It’s also generally aesthetically pleasing (though I wasn’t impressed to find I’d accidentally bought the pink one). This is very important to me, just as with people, I have to find toys attractive before I stick them in me. So in short, a lovely effective toy but nothing to rave about.

Okay I just have to state for the record that the review of randomly selected fetishes are not meant to be just a list of things that make me go: “Ooo yes please”. But it seems that the second one on our list has definitely elicited that reaction…again. I’m waiting to see how long it takes until one comes up and I pass it onto Gryphon to review because I can’t bring myself to do so.

So yes, for those of you that are still wondering what forniphilia is all about, in essence it is the turning people into furniture. I suppose the most common version of this is the foot stool. (Mmmm drifting off into images of an exposed arse propping up my feet while I swish around a riding crop menacingly…or even having my stamina tested as I stand as a candle stick holder something akin to Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast…).

Sorry, yes, back to paying attention to what I’m doing…I could have stayed with that one for a while.

As clearly demonstrated in the image above, it doesn’t have to be something so simple as a lovely sub kneeling on all fours to create a table; I’ve seen some wonderfully imaginative things that one can do in the name of forniphilia and experimentation should always be encouraged. What I’m wondering of course is does this take particular physical strength on the part of the sub, having to hold still in unusual poses for a long period of time? Though yet again, I suppose that’s all part of the fun.

I am very passionate about oral sex, both giving and receiving for men and women. I especially love giving head and watching and listening to my partner enjoy what I’m doing. However, what I’m here to write about isn’t just how much I love giving head, though I REALLY REALLY do. When watching porn I get seriously confused (and slightly annoyed) by the things that people seem to do when pretending to eat pussy. Now, having identified as a lesbian for quite a few years and having a number of male friends, I often get asked advice about techniques. I wouldn’t be so insulting to suggest that I know it all and this will work for everyone woman. But here are a few pointers for those who would like them:

1) Your tongue is an amazing thing and it can make all sorts of shapes with it, so use them. Use the tip of your tongue to create concentrated pressure, the flat surface of your tongue to explore ALL of her pussy or to have her rub her self against it.

2) Use your lips to suck her clit between them. Do this gently and only once her clit has swollen from your already brilliant attention! If you’ve already explored her pussy properly her clit will be very sensitive and this will feel amazingly intimate and cosy in a VERY sexy way.

3) Pressure: Every woman likes different levels of pressure and will enjoy a variety from day to day, minute to minute, second to second… you get the idea. Pressure from the lightest of whispers to really pulling her pussy right on to your face all have very different sensations, so be sure to really listen to your partner to hear what’s working at that particular moment.

4) And most of all, enjoy what you’re doing, because it’s absolutely one of the best things in the world.

PS. I would LOVE to hear some tips from you.

-Itcia

One thing that will appear regularly on this blog is a review of a randomly selected fetish. Quite by coincidence I’d been writing a little story for my partner in which a lovely slave girl, instructed by Mistress, was to prepare a dinner suitable to be eaten from her naked body for when Mistress arrives home. Like a good obedient slave girl she spends the better half of an afternoon learning to hand roll sushi. Now little did I know that this particular act, with this particular food was already an established fetish. How very foolish of me, we all know that anything someone can think of as a fetish probably already has a name and I must say some very lovely pictures on the Internet.
So what do we think of this fetish?…Fish jokes aside (and oh can I think of some terrible ones), I clearly like this particular fetish. Well I did start writing a scene about it all of my own volition without the helping hand of fetlife’s search engine. Also, anything that caters to more than one basic human desire (food, sex, shelter, sleep etc) already gets a thumbs up from me. All I’ve got to say is watch out for that wasabi sauce!

-Itcia